Waiting backstage, I felt my 12 year old heart beating wildly in my throat... I’d done solos before, but not in front of so many people.
It was the Montana State Elks’ convention. Our choir director, Mr. Goddard, had been asked by our principal Ray J. Meyers, who was also one of the State Elks’ officers, to bring the choir to perform at their opening night banquet. The gymnasium was packed. We knew it was, because we’d been peeking through the curtains.
It was also our last concert with Mr. Goddard. He was moving on... up through the ranks, his talent and personality would carry him from grade schools in Montana to major universities in California.
The beginning of the concert was great... and then the song where I had the solo was next. As it began, the choir’s part had gone according to plan, then there was a little piano interlude and I was supposed to come in. Mr. Goddard looked at me, I looked at him... he smiled a reassuring smile, I gulped... the piano came to the measure where I was to begin. Mr. Goddard looked at me and brought me in with a wave of his hand... I looked at him. My throat went dry, my mind went blank... and nothing came out of my mouth.
I wanted desperately to be anywhere else in the world at that moment. I had blown it.
We had to start again, and I was embarrassed beyond belief. The real low point came just after the concert, when one of my fellow students said... ‘way to blow Mr. Goddard’s last concert‘
There...
I’ve just confessed one of my life’s most embarrassing moments, one of my lowest emotional moments. I had blown it. No one else was to blame. I left the gym as quickly as I could and didn’t look back. My parents tried to console me, took me out for an ice cream cone at Leo’s Lazy Lion Burgers, but I was inconsolable and it became one of those moments that would lay heavy on my heart for many years.
It was my fault. I let people down. I made a mistake.
I’m not alone...
I’m sure that you have memories of your own that rank right up there in the category of moments you’d like to forget. Moments where you wish you had a time machine where you could travel back and have a ‘do over’.
Sometimes the fault lies with us, and then there are times when we’re the victim of circumstances or the bad decisions of others.
Jesus had such a moment in his hometown. It wasn’t his fault, it was the fact the he was in that unique circumstance of being in front of his hometown crowd. A crowd that remembered Joe and Mary’s son... he grew up in the neighborhood, he was pals with their kids. And now... who does he think he is???? Mr. High and Mighty Rabbi!!! Mr. Prophet. Mr. Messiah... I don’t think so!
He’s just Jesus, the same Jesus who ran playing through the streets not that many years ago. Remember when he knocked over the fruit cart in the square during the summer festival?
In this story, Jesus is actually brought down by the attitudes of the crowd. It says in the gospel of Mark that he was unable to do any signs because of their unbelief. It was not his proudest moment. He had to admit that it’s tough, if not impossible to be a prophet in your hometown - because, people don’t want to hear it.
You see there... even Jesus had moments of failure. You can’t win ‘em all. You can’t always succeed. You’re not perfect. You will make mistakes. You will have regrets. Bottom line... it’s a part of the life we lead.
If you’re like me, you understand that with your head. But you’re heart sort of holds onto these moments with a heaviness that haunts you now and then. Reminding you that ‘you’re not all that!’ Like we need to have any more reminders that we’re not perfect.
I love the fact that in Mark’s account, right away in the next verses, Jesus sends out the disciples to let them experience taking the gospel message around on their own.
He instructs them that if they come across a community that’s not open to their message, if they run into situations where they meet with failure... they’re suppose to shake the dust off of their sandals when they leave the place.
All of my life, I’ve interpreted this as a sort of ‘Well! So much for you guys! God’s gonna get you for that!’
At bible study this week. As we were discussing this passage, it struck me that there’s a good reason that these stories are connected. Jesus is rejected in Nazareth, and he’s telling the disciples that there will be moments when they will be rejected, where their going to feel like failures, where things are not going to go according to plan, where they fall flat on their faces!
And when that happens... shake the dust off your sandals. When life pushes you down... dust yourself off and get on to the next task... don’t allow the failures to have control over your attitude about tomorrow... don’t let the mistakes and hardships shape your self image.
Let go of it.
Remember from last week’s gospel story when Jesus walks into Jairus’ house and says, ‘You’re daughter’s not dead, she’s just sleeping?’ The people gathered there laughed at him. And what did he do? He put them outside and shut the door. He put them outside and shut the door.
I don’t care who you are, how old you are, whether you’re male or female. There will be times in life when certain people are going to laugh at you, tell you you’re nuts, work against you and do everything in their power to undo what you’re trying to do.
That’s true in life in general and it’s true when you’re trying to be a follower of Jesus. Following Jesus is difficult. It means being willing to adopt a radical way of love, peace and acceptance of the other. There are those even within Christianity who will label you as an enemy when you truly attempt to follow Jesus.
Our church is becoming a community of openness and welcome. Our church is becoming a sanctuary for the different. Our church is becoming a place of grace and love. Our church is becoming a place where authentic Jesus ministry takes place. It’s not easy...
In the midst of that, there will be those who will tell us that we’re off message. There will be those who will tell us that we’re missing the heart of the Gospel, we’re making compromises and watering down God’s message. There will be those who will point at us and laugh. There will be those who will declare us to be among the fallen and unfaithful.
The lesson here, I believe, is to shake it off. Don’t let that negativity cling to you. Don’t allow yourself to be limited by the negativity of others.
Easy to say, difficult as all get out to accomplish. But take heart. It happened to Jesus, and it happened to his first followers. So why shouldn’t it happen to us?
God’s grace is there to give light in those dark moments of doubt when we begin to believe that we are a failure, or that we don’t measure up to the expectations of others.
God’s grace is there like a loving grandmother to welcome us into caring arms when the rest of the world has rejected us.
God’s grace is there to help us pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off.
Next time someone puts you down, next time you fall flat on your face, whether it’s your own doing or circumstances beyond your control... remember Jesus getting rejected by the small minded people of his home town... remember the disciples shaking the dust off their failings...
Remember that you have a God of grace who’s door is always open and the welcome mat says ‘Wipe the dust from your sandals and come on in!’
And when you do, God takes one look at your dirty feet and says... “Not good enough...” and takes a basin and a towel to wash the rest of the dust and grime and guilt and pain and failures and frustrations from your weary feet and soul...